| Bride of Pretorius | |
|---|---|
| Season 1, Episode 7 | |
| File:Bop.jpg | |
| Air date | 16. September, 1995 |
| Written by | Steve Roberts |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Shadow of a Skillit |
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Bride of Pretorius is the seventh episode of The Mask: The Animated Series.
Summary
Stanley dates a shy, quiet girl who works at her bank—and becomes a loud, man-hungry woman when she stumbles upon The Mask. Meanwhile, Pretorius looks for a female companion.
Characters
Plot
Stanley is at the Coco Bongo , searching a company.
Stanley: You can do it Stanley Ipkiss! You can get your OWN dates.
Stanley: Care to --
Pretorius: Dance?
Lady: Delighted.
Stanley: PRETORIUS!
Pretorius dances with the lady. He uses a scan device in her.
Pretorius: The perfect genetic make-up... Excellent.
Lady: Are you some kind of doctor?
Pretorius: Brainstem... larger than average. You'll do.
Pretorius sedates the lady.
Stanley: Oh no! Must use the Mask for good after all.
Stanley runs off behind a tree and uses The Mask. He snatches up Pretorius, saving the lady.
Mask: Ah, you come here often?
Pretorius: I have never been here. But then I've never sought a bride before. (His head jumps out).
Mask: HIS HEAD! IT'S GONE!
Mask shoves a fake head in place.
Mask: Much better!
Mask transforms to a boxer and knocks Pretorius' body into the wall. Now, he is comandeering a robot body.
Pretorius: I've calculated the probability you might be here tonight to interfere with my plan. So I came prepared to remove your Mask!
Mask: DEFENSE!
Pretorius' robot claw rips off the face guard to reveal a gorilla's face. Pretorius tries again and again unsuccessfully.
Stanley: Oh my gosh...
Mask: *rips off Stanley mask* PSYCHE! Hahahahhahahahah!!!! OH, SOMEBODY STOP ME!
Pretorius activates a plunger from his robot body and it latches onto Mask's head. However, Mask shakes it off then sticks a bomb in the plunger and sends it back to Pretorius. Pretorius' body is blown to bits leaving only his head.
Mask: S-s-smokin'!
Pretorius: Mental note: Construct new Robot Body!
Reattaching to his body, Pretorius leaves Coco Bongo.
Pretorius: Mask. Your powers are bizarre, unpredictable and beyond the realm of science...and if you were a woman, I would marry you.
Pretorius drives off, leaving Mask disgusted at the thought. Back at Stan's apartment...
Stanley: Another night at the Coco Bongo without meeting anyone...
TV Woman: Haven't been on a date in 3 years? Your only companion a dog? Call the Desperate Loners Video Dating Service (editor's note: People used to do this before the internet. The 90s, am I right?)
Stanley: No. No, I'm not THAT desperate.
News Reporter: The Comet "Sebo" will pass within 50,000 miles of the Earth, becoming visible to stargazers everywhere.
Stanley: Let's take a look Milo!
Milo: Rowr!
Stanley walks to his window, a telescope is positioned there.
Snanley: This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience! *looking through telescope, sighs* I wish I had someone -- special -- to watch it with...
Milo: ...
Pretorius' lair.
Pretorius: It approaches...and with it, the realization of my scheme. But first, there is a detail to be worked out.
A monitor drops down, showing miscellaneous things.
Pretorius: I'm still in search of...THE PERFECT BRIDE!
TV Woman: *flatly* Haven't been on a date in 3 years? Call the Desperate Loners Video Dating Service.
Even Pretorius grimaces at something like that!
Another day at work for Stanley.
Stanley: Well I'm PICKY, Charlie. You see I won't just go out with anyone, like you!
Charlie: Excuse me, I'm VERY picky! I only go out with good looking blondes.
Stanley: Well my perfect woman is someone soft-spoken. You know? Someone that doesn't need to dress fancy.
A woman that seems of this description is walking in the bank now.
Stanley: Who likes to stay home and read. If she's socially inept or awkward? Hey, it's okay.
She crashes into signs.
Stanley: Gave me a little jolt there.
Shy lady: Um...is this "New Accounts?"
Stanley: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you.
Shy lady: Is this new accounts? Because I'd like to open an account for my dog.
Stanley: For your...dog?
Shy lady: Uh huh. Esmeralda.
Shy lady: She-she-she-she's very very shy...
Stanley: I see.
Stanley notices her book.
Stanley: Oh, this- wait... you like comets? Because I like comets too!
Charlie pulls him away, telling him to move in for the kill so to speak.
Charlie: Hahahahah! She's WILD about you my man!
Stanley: Really? Uh...how can you tell Charlie? I can't make out what she's saying.
Charlie: Come on, I've got a SIXTH SENSE about these things. She's a caged animal WAITING to escape. She'll EAT YOU ALIVE.
Stanley: Hi. Listen, um would you be interested in watching the c-comet, y'know with me? See, because I've got this GREAT telescope and I --
Shy Lady: "Well that's great, very wonderful for inviting me."
Stanley: Uh... I'm sorr-- was that "yes?"
At Stan's apartment, Milo is on the couch.
Stanley: Milo, Milo, Milo little buddy. Could you make yourself a little scarce tonight because I have got a DATE! Evelyn... Shh-shh, get down, get down, get down.
Stanley tries to clean up his apartment, stuffing all the junk in his closet. He picks up The Mask and looks at it, contemplating its use for his date then throws it in back.
Someone is knocking on the door.
Stanley: C'mon, c'mon. Almost got it! Gotta be her.
Stanley opens the door, it's Evelyn.
Stanley: Hi
Evelyn: Hi!
Stanley: Come on in!
Evelyn: -- this is my...
Stanley: Oh, heh, you've ... brought your dog.
Evelyn: *mm-hmm*
Stanley: Have a seat, I'll be right back.
Stanley is seen with Milo, trying to bargain with him to keep Esmerelda company. Stanley: Oh come on Milo would you do for me? Just for a while? I promise, look I'll buy you a steak. Please?
Stanley: Look Milo, it's Esmerelda!
Milo does seem interested. Esmerelda is just so nervous and tries to hide from Milo's advances.
Stanley: Heh, dogs. Nature's little clowns. Pork Rinds?
Evelyn turns it down, but Stanley helps himself to a bite. Milo follows suit like his owner, offering Esmerelda some food and a bone to play with.
Stanley: Right. Entertain her. *To Evelyn* You know what really cracks me up? *Turns away* This! *Turns around to reveal a funny face, but it doesn't make Evelyn laugh*
Stanley: I don't get it Milo, "the face" always gets a laugh! I just can't tell if she likes me...Hey, maybe I should talk about her dog more!
Stanley: Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to rub it in. Enough dillydallying, I asked her here for ONE reason!
Stanley and Evelyn are at with window with the telescope.
Stanley: A moment like this comes once in a lifetime! It would just be foolish to just let it pass by.
Stanley: Huh? Oh no, I meant the comet. Please. Yep, comets. You know Evelyn, they're so far away and yet...
Evelyn: ...so...close?
Stanley: Well...yeah...
Evelyn: Umm...AH! Umm... I have to go...
Stanley: No wait-- Evelyn, that's the closet!
Evelyn opens the overstuffed closet, only to be buffeted by a barrage of Stanley's old junk. Her glasses to fall off.
Evelyn: I- I can't see without my glasses...
Evelyn feels around for her eyeglasses, she finds them and tries to put them back on. Her glasses are attached to the Mask. She doesn't seem to notice this but Stanley does.
Stanley: Evelyn! NO!
Evelyn puts on her Mask-attached glasses and it tightens its grip on Evelyn's face, transforming her into a green-headed bombshell in an alluring red dress.
Evelyn Mask: Hiyah, sugar! *smooches*
Evelyn Mask kisses many times, making gestures for Stanley to get some loving. Stanley backs away from the female version of The Mask for his own safety. Evelyn/Mask becomes a wolf, making a wolf whistle. Milo drops his ball in shock and hides under the sofa in fear. Esmerelda comes from underneath the sofa to get away from Milo, then sees Evelyn/Mask and goes back underneath, despite Milo's presence.
Stanley: Evelyn...
Evelyn Mask: Call me "Eve", it's more -- how you say? "je ne sais quoi" Oh Stanley, when I look at you, I see vital organs and my head ACHES -- in a good way. WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!
Eve: *Southern accent* You love Pork Rinds? I love Pork Rinds!
Eve lickes up the entire bowl with her tongue and swallows it whole.
Eve: Oh, those faces you make. (Eve makes a weird face that looks an alien, laughing hysterically and reverts) Crazy making screwball rabbit!!!
Stanley: Screwball rabbit?
Eve throws Stanley on the coach, hugging him with superhuman strength.
Stanley: You're hurting my back!
Eve: Aha, you're making me sweat. KISS ME!
Eve tries to kiss Stanley with her elongating lips. Stanley pulls away back to Milo.
Stanley: I guess she likes me after all!
Meanwhile, Pretorius is trying a dating. The woman is a cowgirl.
Cowgirl Jethrine: ...and then he dumped me, and that's why I became -- a cowgirl.
Pretorius: The comet "Sebo" nears its proximity closest to the Earth. I'm running out of time!
Cowgirl Jethrine: But I've been talking 'bout myself all night. I wanna know more about YOU.
Pretorius: Well Jethrine, I have developed a new tissue rejuvenation serum.
Jethrine seems very confused or horrified. Pretorius demonstrates the serum on her hotdog, causing it to live for a few seconds.
Hotdog: H---elp---me----
Pretorius: What do you think?
Cowgirl Jethrine: He's ... kinda cute?
Pretorius: Then, you'll do.
A car horn can be heard , what appears to be a Vintage Ford Thunderbird crashes the party. Eve steps out the car and drags out Stanley, they're both on the roof of the car and Even shoves him to her chest.
Eve: What's with this "Crying in your pretzels" achy-breaky cowboy clamor? Let's swing!
Pretorius: A female Mask? She's perfect!
Eve throws Stanley out to the dance floor. She rushes in to catch him for a bit of Swing dancing. When Eve is dancing solo Stanley tries to run off before she notices.
Eve: Where ya goin'?
Stanley: Well I was just going to go to the Men's Room -- AUGH!!
Eve: Oh yeah! Hacha-cha-cha!
Stanley is sent crashing through the ceiling.
Eve: Ooh.
Eve dashes off, the crowd applauds their show. Cowgirl Jethrine: They are REALLY good, aren't they darlin'? Darlin'?
Meanwhile on the roof, a neon sign flashes "CB", Stanley and Eve are talking.
Eve: Awwww... you're shiverin' slender thing.
Stanley: I-I'm frozen in fear...
Eve: I'll heat you up (Eve gives another bonecrushing hug, puckering her lips).
Stanley: Should I remove The Mask? Eve really loves me, but what if Evelyn doesn't? But the Mask must be used for good! But it's GOOD that she loves me, even if she's got a big green head! What would our children look like? Mask has GOT to go!
Eve: How 'bout that? The stars ARE far away, yet so very very very close...
Stanley: Yeah *reaching for Eve's face* so close...
Eve: *Eve squeezes Stanley very tightly, more bone crushing sounds heard* SAY IT IN FRENCH!
Stanley: *straining for breath* Get off ... my spleen... Si vous plait?
Eve gives a very approving grin, French is French after all. A helicopter can be seen in the distance. It lowers some sort of metal containment device, likely to capture a person. Stanley notices and realizes Eve's life is in danger. Eve is too busy giving kissy faces to notice.
Stanley: EVE! BEHIND YOU!
Eve: Oh! Feisty rabbit.
Eve continues giving kissy faces as the containment device opens. Eve finally takes notice.
Pretorius: At last, my perfect bride. The future...belongs to ME.
WHAT A TWIST! It wasn't Eve that got captured...
Eve: STANLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!
--
In Pretorius' lair, a newcast can be seen before we see the mad scientist pacing back and forth in anticipation. It would appear Pretorius is still convinced Eve is inside the reinforced sarcophagus, the viewing glass is tinted so he can't tell it's really Stanley inside.
News Reporter: The comet "Sebo" (Stebo? Ceveau? Seaver?) quickly approaches its closest proximity to Earth. Yes siree space-nuts, it's going to be one cosmic spectacle!
Pretorius: The moment I saw you doing that new-fangled "Jitterbug" dance, I knew we were destined to spend ETERNITY together. *approaches viewing glass* Forgive me for encasing you in this titanium based cyber cylinder, but it was necessary to *contain* your Mask Super-powers.
Stanley: Uh... he thinks I'm EVE! Let's hope he likes surprises
:iconitsatrapplz:
Pretorius presses a button and an device erects from the observatory.
Pretorius: This laser cannon will divert the comet "Sebo" from its course to a DIRECT collision with Edge City. When the comet strikes Earth, it will DESTROY all human life! Just like the dinosaurs. That is ... except for you and me when we retreat to my underground stronghold. Ironic name -- Eve, considering we will be the "Adam and Eve" of a new superhuman race. Born of MY brilliant intellect and your Mask powers.
(Let's reel back for a second. He wants to destroy all human life, have sex with Eve CONSTANTLY to make human-Mask hybrids but they'll be the only inhabitants on earth. Unless he plans to selectively clone any dead humans, I'm seriously questioning the implications of how future generations would breed, let alone repopulate the Earth)
Stanley: Sure...except I don't HAVE any Mask superpowers at the moment and YOU ARE PSYCHOTIC! GAAAH!
(Well that and you're not a woman, Stanley.)
Pretorius attempts to open the Titanium case with a very powerful laser. Well that doesn't look good.
Pretorius: First, I must remove your head so that we're more physically compatible.
The casing is cramped, so Stanley can't duck down to avoid the laser. He's going to get decapitated, which would be fine if he had The Mask but in this case it would kill him.
Stanley: Let me out of here. LET ME OUT OF HERE!
(Really? He doesn't catch a word of that? There's a hole and everything)
Suddenly, the steel door to Pretorius' lair crashes open. It's Eve, dressed sort of like Vasquez in Aliens (complete with headband and ammo belt) yet talking like Ellen Ripley.
Eve: Get away from my Screwball Rabbit!
Pretorius is dumbfounded. If Eve's over there -- then that must mean -- HO BOY! Stanley Ipkiss is inside that case? Who knew? (Wait, why didn't Pretorius check the goods before assuming he -- y'know what? Never mind.)
Pretorius: *Sees Stanley underneath the viewing glass* You are not Eve! Eve, be mine and we shall rule the earth TOGETHER!
Eve: Dream on, Zippy! I love Stanley Ipkiss!
Eve points her gun at at Pretorius. Stanley: Eve?! Uh, Eve? Those things never work!
Pretorius continues using the laser to eliminate Stanley, Eve then fires a shot straight on to Pretorius' head in response.
Eve: Bulls-Eye!
Pretorius removes the plunger unamused but Eve follows up with a spear. Pretorius ducks and the spear crashes into machinery. The laser is still going. Eve is now dressed as a Valkyrie
Eve: Oh ho ho! *in the tune of Die Walküre* MINCE the bad guys, SLICE the bad guys, CHOP the bad guys! DICE them good!
Pretorius is sent flying into his laser cannon, knocking it off course. Stanley is spared a singing fate, until Eve accidentally knocks it back into place failing to chop Pretorius' head in two.
Stanley: AUGH! Eve, would you WATCH IT WITH THAT THING?!?
Pretorius takes the laser and aims it at Valkyrie Eve. Eve transforms to her default red sweater dress, checking herself on her compact mirror (Cue wolf whistle). Pretorius fires a a shot from his laser cannon directly at Eve only for Eve to deflect it in a timely manner.
Pretorius: It's not just a laser. *presses a button, releasing a sub-weapon* It's a mortar cannon!
Mirrors can't reflect lasers, not even with Mask powers. Did Pretorius blow Eve to bits?
Stanley: Eve...
The lab obscured in smoke, Pretorius walks around to confirm the damage from that shot. Eve drops down undamaged and inititates some phony martial arts moves and kicks, still raring for a fight.
Pretorius: I see I shall be forced to use more drastic measures of persuasion. *Pretorius gets down on one knee* Eve, will you...marry me?
Eve in mid-crane stance (nice view) shoots back a long, goofy face in surprise. Dropping her stance, she reacts with disgust.
Eve: You...CAD!
Eve smacks Pretorius with an giant handbag, sending Pretorius' head flying into a control panel. Eve then proceeds to open the Titanium Case with a giant can opener (???), freeing Stanley.
Eve: You miss me?
Pretorius, persistent as ever gets back up and continues with his plan.
Pretorius: We will continue this spat... momentarily. It's time to put the next BIG BANG into motion!
Pretorius' body rushes to a nearby control panel, Eve is too busy making lovey-dovey advances towards Stanley.
Eve: Ohhh *sultry* At last
Eve kisses Stanley repeatedly, but Stanley's still worried about Pretorius.
Stanley: NOOOOO! STOP HIM!
Pretorius body slams a button, triggering the comet attracting laser and is immediately kicked down -- but it's too late. The comet is now on its way for a collision course to Earth, dooming us all!
New Reporter: We interrupt this broadcast for a SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN. The comet "Sebo" (Ceva?) has just gone off course and is due to destroy the earth in just FIVE minutes! We now return to your (unintelligible) of "War and Peace."
Pretorius: Now listen Eve, you got to use your superpowers to stop that comet!
Eve is turned on when Stanley takes charge, but she needs a bit of convincing.
Eve: Say it in French...
Stanley, sick of playing love games grabs Eve's face and starts to pull the Mask off. He's successful, leaving Evelyn dazed and overwhelmed. She then faints afterward, with Stanley to catch her.
Stanley: Goodbye, Eve.
Stanley: It's up to you now!
The Mask: Forward HO!
The Mask: HALT!
The Mask: Good thing I'm impervious to pain...
The Mask: Hmmm... "How to Stop a Speeding Comet from Destroying the Earth?"
The Mask: I'M STUMPED! Might as well go home and prepare for the inevitable.
The Mask rushes into his apartment to do a few things before the world is supposedly destroyed
The Mask: [Speeds through bookshelf] Yeah, I always wanted to read these. [Rapidly changes TV channels] That one's good, that's one's good, that was good. [Makes a huge sandwich] My last meal... [Calls his job] Charlie? YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LOUSY PROMOTION! I always wanted to say that. [Checks his watch] Only a minute left, I gotta go out looking SHARP!
The Mask proceeds to groom himself, singing in scat. He's interrupted when he hears the sink is leaking. He observes the U Joint is dripping.
The Mask: Oh... you know I've been meaning to get that fixed! THAT'S IT!
The idea hits him in the head...literally. He goes back to Pretorius' lair on the rooftop
and builds a giant U Joint to send back the comet.
The Mask: Yup. That oughta do it.
He just then notices the U Joint is facing the wrong direction
The Mask: Oops.
He turns the U Joint around and gets rid of the comet and gets in a celebrating mood. Slaps the pipe not unlike a coach giving a baseball player receiving a pat.
The Mask: SOLID!
Pretorius captures him.
The Mask: Oh...YOU AGAIN!?
Pretorius: I've constructed a new, improved robot body equipped with -- LARD BUCKET!
Pretorius slathers fat all over The Mask's face, supposedly to loosen up the Mask's grip on Stanley's face. Followed up with a plunger to remove the Mask. He succeeds, then has his upgraded robot body release Stanley from its grip.
Pretorius: And now I shall DESTROY you Mr. Ip-kiss, for foiling my brilliant plan...
Evelyn: [shyly]Freeze lowlife...
Evelyn having regained consciousness has somehow acquired one of Pretorius' high tech weapons. She's aiming it at Pretorius.
Pretorius: I'm sorry, what was that?
Evelyn: [clears throat] I said... FREEZE LOWLIFE! YOU JUST GET AWAY FROM THE MAN I LOVE!
Pretorius: Aren't we the BOLD one?
Stanley: Evelyn, you said you LOVED me.
Evelyn: That's right! I - I guess I did.
Pretorius: Now you can say "Farewell."
Pretorius, is certain Evelyn doesn't know how to handle that -- uh, laser cannon I guess. He continues his attempt to dismember Stanley with his assorted robot tools. Evelyn panics and fires a missile that completely destroys the upgraded robot body, sending Pretorius' head into the giant U Joint.
Pretorius: Mental note: "Don't make threats with a mortar launcher trained on you."
Stanley recovers The Mask, hiding it from Evelyn just in time and plays dumb about how their date ended up.
Evelyn: Stanley? How did we get here?
Stanley: Gee... I don't know.
Back to Stan's Apartment, Stanley and Evelyn are seemingly hitting it off.
Stanley: Ah, you know Evey-evey-evey*, we have everything in common. I mean comets and pork rinds...
[*Stanley is just repeatedly saying "Evey", it's a pet name or a kind of nickname. ]
Evelyn: ...and making funny faces *makes a funny sound*
Stanley: [flatly] Too bad I want to kill your dog.
Evelyn: Hey, likewise.
Stanley: What? Well excuse the heck out of me but at least Milo knows not to do his doodie on my comic book collection.
Evelyn: Well! Maybe Esmeralda wouldn't have to do her "doo-dee" if you dog didn't make her so NERVOUS!
This small little indifference is enough to break off what could have been a meaningful relationship
Stanley: *sighs* There's only one thing to do...
Evelyn: We don't have much choice...
Cut to Stanley is watching the comet through his telescope
Stanley: I'm glad I have someone special to watch the comet with.
Zoom out to show Milo, agreeing with Stanley and looking through the telescope.